Zoes first blog

Just writing to let yous no im not gone im still here....ill write sumthing more meaniful wen i get a chance ok....bye...xxxx

wats right in this life i need help on this no matta wat the situation is ok wats more important wats in your heart or wat is morally right and wrong!!!! which to you go by.........................help......

i think that the reason it took so long was because i was to worried about wat he wud think!!!!! well now that i am sorta gettin over wat he thinks i can move on and be with someone i want to be wit!!...just hope its not the same as last time........just someone to keep me amused!!!!! ........xxx

today is a hard day in my life.....it wud have bein 2 years.......2 whole years!!!!! because of me its nuthin now!!!! let me start from the beginning........i was with this fella for 19 months...we broke up in march..... because of me...i messed up everythin,...we broke up cuz lee ( that was his name) said he didnt love me anymore......so we finished.....but wen we were broke up i was with another fella who was goin trough the same as me and we were both upset and found comfort in eachother!!! ok the fella did happen to be lee's very gud mate....then all of a sudden lee wanted to gt bk wit me!!! i was over the moon....... told him about me and his mate and he said it was grand...then 2 weeks later he broke up with me he would not talk to me.......r=then bout 2 weks ago he said he had forgotten about it...so we kinda started talkin a tiny bit not mates jst civil!!......but today we wud have bein together 2 years if i had not of messed up things so much!!!!! im so mad at myself for wat i did and will neva forgive myself.......i hate myself for it....nd always will....i still love lee...and today is so hard...how can you let go of the past!!!!! how can you frget the person you loved more than life itself...im not lookin for sympothy.......just a way to let go.....mayb this is my punishment for doin it mayb my karma is doin this to me........not lettin le let go........because of wat i did....puttin me trought the pain of it everyday!!!!!!! help........we cud have bin together 2 years today!!!!xxxx

its like a vicious circle really....wen your young and old....you make friends with somebodi then you get close to them then it gose away cuz you fight and get sick of eachother.....then it starts all over again......a visious circle......sometimes you meet tat friend that you will always be mates with but its the ppl that come and go that hurt you the most........its kinda like relationships as in girlfriend, boyfriend kinda thing......you fight so much with the person you love the most that y you seem to push the person away even tho all you wanna do is b with them.......sometimes you jst cant help the way u are you no...and sometimes you try so hard to change your personality to be able to b with someone that it gets so outta hand and you lose in the end!!!! ...... do you belive in carma??? i dont no if i do like but it seems wen i didn even no wat it was everything was gud and it never seemed to be there but now that i do no wat it is it seems to be everywhere...i feel like i even forget to ring somebody and carma is gonna bite me......its kinda sad..so is it real...or is it all in our heads!!!!! can anyone answer that???.............its a vicious circle and its called life!!!!

well eh this is cool ha ha!!! so eh wats the story with this you write down your thoughts and feelings and ppl read them is that it ok tat kinda cool....... well i jst wanted to start this up so now im gonna leave this with a note......dont ever give up because i climbed up a hugh mountain today and didt think i could make it to the top but some one up there.......kept me goin and i did it for you man.....rip a yr today dont seem like it!!! well i may go ok......xxxxxx